Being a Pollster Can be Fun

If you were to ask me if I thought I would ever be a pollster I probably would have laughed my ass off.  Until now, I actually find some of the polls rabidly hilarious.  Sure the completion ratio is horrible as most people don’t like taking polls and occasionally I get cussed out and yelled at but all in all when someone does take a poll it can be incredibly fun.

People tend to get heated over politics and asking them opinions on Trump often gets real interesting results.  I’ve heard everything from “Love HIM” to “I think he’s a runaway shopping cart”.  Todays questions were nothing short of amazing to ask, I’m making it a point to look up the results of the particular poll I am currently working.  From Trump to Anti-fa, white nationalists to North Korea it’s bound to be an interesting read.

And while today was long (10 hours) I absolutely had a blast lol, my team smoked our quota and we rocked it.  And a few of my completions were incredibly intelligent, I even polled a double doctorate today hah.  Just some reflection on todays work, the job may be grueling at times but there’s no reason to not give it my best when I’m there.

~J

And Finally Some Sleep!

As I sit here waiting impatiently for my two favorite morning things, the paper and my coffee I’m pondering.  It has been a crazy few days what with the stupidity in Charlotesville and just overall tension everywhere I wonder why it is that I still read the paper.  Oh wait, now I remember!!  Nothing compares with holding a paper reading the comics.

Perhaps I’m just in a good mood this morning, I have my coffee and my paper and I actually had a full nights sleep.  I have a 12 hour shift coming and am flat broke with a car load of laundry I need to figure out how to do but life overall really isn’t so bad.  I’ve got snoopy and a few articles that don’t mention trump or white supremacy to keep me occupied and I’ve had a great breakfast scramble because if there is anything a man learns that’s worth something it’s how to cook.

And then there’s the “Dear Amy” section of the paper, yeah used to be someone else lol but this week I suppose it’s Amy.  Amy gets a question about a teen daughter who has started dating and her response just makes me laugh.  “The only hitch is that Cary Grant is dead and George Clooney is too old”.  Just boffo!!  Nobody name drops Cary Grant anymore, yeah he’s on my list of if I could ever meet….

Just a morning of random babblings, I’ll leave the heavy lifting to the other bloggers I follow as they do write some pretty heavy stuffs.  For now it’s coffee and my comics… and maybe I’ll read this bit about Trump though honestly I’m bored with it.

Maybe I’ll start a kickstarter campaign to fix trumps hair….

~J

The Call

I got a call from a friend

I don’t have many a handful of people that I consider this close I’ve known since childhood the people that know me and this is what makes it even more scary.  My friend started asking some pretty heavy questions, who I wanted things to go to and how I wanted to be handled after I passed away.

My friend was writing my last testament, he wanted me to have a last say and decided to call me on it.

At first I was a touch confused and then seeing the emails afterwards the truth set in, I’m pretty good at killing myself and the people that care for me are worried.  Worried so much so that they are trying to figure out what to do with my “stuff” after I pass.  Seeing this first hand in emails is an interesting thing trust me. Everyone involved in such is reading this as well I don’t hate you for it in fact I’m happy your there.  Just understand that facing mortality itself is tough facing it when brought up and pushed is slightly tougher.

I don’t want anyone to cry for me when I do pass, and I’m too much of a prick to pass soon so deal with me I’m going to be around for a bit.

~J

Waiting for my paper!

I should be a paper delivery person, I would be early every day.  I sit waiting this morning for what seems like everything.

The coffee pot….

The paper…..

my shift at work…

Hah, payday

So awake at 4 am with no paper I decide to pop in an old movie, hackers.  I have to laugh at this movie as they really did try hard but just absolutely failed to hit the mark.  Being a geek I can point out the million references they attempted and being a man of course a young Jolie yeah okay easy on the eyes.  Movie overall though total horrible and yet I have it on DVD why??  Well because I can, I have a lot of horrible movies on DVD I had a conversation with a friend about this just the other day.  They are re making all my old favorites and ruining them, Charlie and the chocolate factory, mad max, oh my god Blade Runner!!

How do you touch Blade Runner?  Ever?? The premise is simple and hilarious when I think about it, I’m getting old!!  The vast majority of movie watchers were born after 1990 (holy crap 90? 2000??) and don’t have the fond memories of playing baseball in the cul de sac or watching movies on a giant television.  Half of them have no idea what black and white or beta max even were.  HAH!  “If you could only see what I’ve seen through your eyes” I would say quoting my beloved Blade Runner.  The fact is the younger crowd doesn’t know any better and the older crowd (i.e. me) will watch just to have something to hate.

With my menial job (that I actually enjoy lol) I get paid to ask people questions which are mostly political but…. the most interesting is when I get to the demographics and ask “in what year were you born?”  It’s interesting as a pollster that very rarely do youth actually answer questions yet everyone complaining that nobody is listening is in this same age group.  Maybe someday when I’ve had my breakfast and paper and hot coffee I’ll do some random study on this but for now I will laugh.  The strangest part of my day is hearing 1990 something when asking someone when they were born.  Next year people born in 2000 will be able to buy cigs lol.

Funny, I’m a pollster now I get paid to ask questions…  what an odd realization for me this morning!  And I just heard the paper smack the porch I’m off to read and hopefully enjoy a cup of coffee.  The movie in the background eh…. it’s there for noise and not much else.  Still incredibly hilarious to me when I catch a glimpse here and there.  Even online has changed since I remember it.  Every user has instant access and it used to be we would dial in, nobody remembers loading a tape or hearing the clicks and whirs let alone the term warez lol…

I suppose I’m getting old but that’s okay on to my paper

~J

Anxiety Attack!

I think if I had a guard dog I would name him “Anxiety” and I would teach him the simple command “attack”.  Just seems fitting for me this evening.  Work is busy with my schedule taking me through the weekend and all next week which is nice and honestly right now I don’t really have any reason for anxiety but yet it’s still there below the surface.  Not incredibly heavy and lighter than some of the moments I’ve had in the past few months.

It seems when I try to sleep like a normal person I just toss and turn, eventually only falling asleep by way of extreme exhaustion.  I’ve tried exercise, walking, even push up’s, I do find spending some time in my inversion table allows me a cat nap here and there.  At least I can say I’m eating well, and I’m doing good with my no smoking goal.  I have my relaxing morning paper to read and the kitchen is spotless seeing as how I find myself cleaning when I cant sleep.

I basically feel so unproductive at times like this and it’s getting old.  Eventually somethings got to give, writing on this blog as well as reading others does help and I find myself  more calm overall so I think things are getting better.  I just never was good at that whole patience thing.

~J

Fast Enough

Some people fear change, in fact I think everyone does to a degree at some point or another.  We like our comfort we like things to just “be” even when things are not exactly ideal.  Sometimes change is necessary to survival and growth, sometimes change causes great waves of negative consequences in either case change is in fact inevitable.  Regardless of whether or not we ourselves invoke it or it comes from external influences change is a fact of life.

My life is in an incredible state of flux currently, with many things that absolutely must change regardless of how comfortable or uncomfortable I may be.  The primary question bouncing around the gray matter that I prefer to call a brain is “are things changing fast enough?”.  unfortunately it seems a daily occurrence that I mill about a number of thoughts in my head about regrets and frustrations with who I was and who I have become.  In this moment of my life change is an absolute necessity.

A necessity not just for survival but so that I may atone for many of the wrongs I have done.  I know it is probably best not to do too much in a hurry as I have always had this way of being overly alarmist and reactive.  Often this reactive nature exacerbates whatever problematic situation I am in and this is not a good thing at all.  While a lot of change is necessary for me I need to continually remind myself to step back and not force situations.  So many things are out of my control and it becomes outright scary sometimes.

My attitude teeters between depressed and anxious and sometimes a mix of both almost constantly and very few moments of clarity exist.  Fact is, I’m lonely lately and that makes for long days where I seem to just stew in my thoughts.  Finding things to do to take my mind off of things is not difficult, the difficulty lies in motivating myself to actually do them.  I live in my kitchen rarely seeing any other room of the apartment other than the bathroom and if I’m lucky enough to quiet my thoughts the bedroom for sleep now and then.  I typically only sleep after full exhaustion sets in now and am finding the act of going to bed nothing more than an exercise in futility.  Funny I waste more energy tossing and turning than I would by simply not even attempting to sleep and doing something productive.

Change will come, eventually and I need to welcome it this time as what I am doing now isn’t quite working so well.  I know it doesn’t seem to be a very positive post but I need to think about this subject and work these thoughts out so that I no longer bury them.

~J

 

The Elusion (Illusion?) of Sleep

So here I lie in bed after tossing and turning for the last few hours wondering if sleep will come at any decent amount tonight.  I’m sure it will and luckily I have no commitments tomorrow morning so I can attempt to sleep in.  The last two nights have been good to me in regards to more than 5 hours of uninterrupted sleep even though last night was a late one tossing and turning to actually get to sleep.  Looks like tonight might well be a repeat with me falling asleep in the early morning and waking up at my usual “sleep in” time of 7:30-8:30.

Typically my body clock wakes me up around 4:30 regardless of what time I fall asleep or what I have on my plate.  I have my routine:

  • Start coffee
  • Use Restroom
  • Smoke and enjoy the early morning air
  • Drink coffee and start breakfast (usually homemade hash browns, eggs, whatever)
  • Eat breakfast while checking email, job boards, whatever
  • Start day…..

That third one…. I need to avoid that third one now.  The good news is that it will get better I know this, the better news is I have a perfect view of the Rockies and Pikes Peak in particular from my kitchen window.  This is going to be my driver for no longer devastating my lungs in an attempt to sedate my nerves and satisfy whatever oral fixation I have.  I want to summit that fourteener this time next year and despite my love of hiking and outdoors I wouldn’t even attempt it in the piss poor shape I am in.

So despite my lack of sleep, and my low frustration tolerance (LFT is an interesting part of rational emotive behavioral therapy or REBT that I should probably revisit while I munch breakfast) I feel quite at peace right now.  Might be a real timely refresher to help me avoid the urge to asphyxiate my edginess with tobacco smoke.

A follower (and one of my favorite bloggers that I follow) DawnSeeker left a link for me in a comment on my last posting that was quite an amazing story about not just a noodle house but also human strength and I’ll be honest I had tears as I neared the end of it.  Maybe I’m just overly emotional lately well, okay I am but still it was quite an inspiring read and I think this lent a hand to my peaceful attitude.

I’ve been thinking about my recent online activities and habits lately and figure maybe I’ll plop some thoughts out in a post (more for me than you dear reader it helps me process, sorry) so away we go!

I used to spend a lot of time reading news, keeping tabs on several online forums and chats, and oh that Facebook thing… I never thought I would be pumping out random blog posts let alone following other bloggers as I do now.  While the blogs I read are small in number and honestly I don’t exactly have a massive amount of followers I find that the blogs I do read are relevant and thought provoking for me.  I rarely check the news and the only chat I do now is my support group which is also small (also by design) I no longer Facebook, and anything I do online is through my phone directly or using it as a hotspot.  I’ve no other connectivity here not even television.

Thinking about this right now makes me chuckle, in a world where everyone is incredibly connected here I am an ex IT specialist with no high speed cable modem tucked into the corner of his apartment.  I seek content based on quality and no longer immerse myself with information overload.  I cannot say that life is better or worse as a direct result as I’ve created plenty of my own problems that I am working to repair but I can say that at this moment I find myself thinking slightly clearer despite the lack of sleep.  I find that the things I do choose to read are much more inspiring and much less depressing and I’m glad for that.

So I think it’s time for some specific goal setting don’t you??  Ready for another list?

  • Get a page up with links to some of my favorite blogs
  • DONT SMOKE!
  • Keep working towards a more fitting career
  • DONT DRINK!
  • Continue eating healthy

Oh… and fall asleep soon, that’s a biggie!

And in case anybody is wondering Echo, the pooch I blogged about the other day…. was the featured dog on the Pikes Peak Humane Society website today and is no longer available for adoption.  Bittersweet for me as I really liked that pooch but I’m glad someone else did too and I hope she found a forever home that is good to her.

Sweet Dreams

~J

P.S. you can learn more about REBT at the Albert Ellis site and Smart Recovery and I’d love to share one of my favorite blog posts from Dawn about welcoming failure that I’ve read a few times (I should probably click like one of these days).

Some Thoughts on Healthy Living

And So I Decided to Quit Smoking….

I woke up this morning after getting what I consider to be a good nights sleep (more than 4 hours uninterrupted) and for the better part of this morning found myself in a severe funk.  Not so much angry but full of anxiety and maybe a touch of depression and a whoooole lot of that frustration thing.  It seemed like everything just frustrated me, for the first morning in a while I even slacked on making breakfast which is just not like me.

Granted, I have a lot to have anxiety about with the recent job applications / interviews and everything else going on with my life and add into that PAWS (post acute withdrawal syndrome) and I’m already a ball of stress.  So like an idiot a few days ago I decided to  quit smoking….. I’ve got lozenges (almost out) and a stack of patches (never really worked) along with tins of flavored toothpicks (probably going to be crapping splinters for a while) but the edge still comes and goes.  What the hell was I thinking?

I’ve got a good support system in place but it’s still difficult and so now I suppose I’ll rant about it.  Just after noonish I decided to indulge in one of my favorite dishes to eat as well as cook (and don’t laugh, it’s a big deal) a big bowl of Ramen (Or in the Hawaiian culture “Saimen”).  Just the time it took me to prepare it, my focus on chopping the vegetables, frying the perfect egg, simmering the pork to make the perfect broth, mixing my own seasoning blend, and putting it all together made me feel better.

Eating it in traditional style (quickly, slurping as to cool the noodles and unlock the broth flavor) gave me a sense of calm and happiness that I have been missing the last few days.  Now some might think “healthy living is in the title, isn’t Ramen horrible for you?” NO!  If done right it’s a very nutritious dish not to mention a very fulfilling one to explore.  A quick google search on traditional Ramen houses will yield a very interesting culture and a whole new world built around this wonderful part of my life.

Unfortunately throughout the rest of the day I lapsed in and out of the anxiety over and over, at the beginning of this post I was feeling it with a heavy edge to my demeanor overall.  By the time of this paragraph I am finding myself a touch less on edge and feeling better overall.  I know the nicotine and the overall habit will pass with time and I just need to hang in there.  I know my health will only get better and I will be able to extend my hiking enjoyment by sacrificing my smoking habit.  And then there’s that whole money thing, I sat down on day one and started calculating the cost of my smoking over a years time ($2445.00 a year on average).

Just uhm, wow!  So $203 a month on the low side that’s insanity considering all it does is appease a self imposed edginess from starting up in the first place.  So, wish me luck and I hope I can keep this up!  I’ll keep everyone updated!

~J

Wok on Water

I’m thinking today I’ll put in for something very different…

Several years ago I had this idea, my mom lives on the channels in Oxnard, California where many of the homes have private docks at the rear of the homes.  I love to cook (I absolutely LOVE to cook) and many of my dishes are Pan-Asian inspired.  Out there the popular thing is to have an electric boat they typically call  “cocktail boats” and just putter around the channels watching the seals and generally hanging out.

So I thought to myself why not modify a little boat Bladerunner style (favorite movie ever btw) and cruise around cooking and slinging stir fry?  I named this dream boat of mine “Wok on Water” and, while somewhat of a pipe dream it’s always good to dream.  I’ve been battling a touch of anxiety lately and I’ve come to the conclusion that maybe I don’t dream enough.  Stewing in all that can go wrong or all that is wrong often yields piss poor results for someone like me as I do just that, I stew.

I dream now and then of a food truck or a career where I can just cook so I think perhaps maybe it’s time for me to rethink and just go find me an entry level kitchen job and follow a passion.  What’s the worst that can happen?  People might say no, I might end up in a dish pit for a while, maybe I’ll get lucky and find a prep job.

It’s on

~J

A Day With A Pooch

This morning I took a few hours and went to the local pet shelter to talk about volunteering.  Lo and behold I almost ended up with a pooch!!  I waited for hours to get a chance to meet a wonderful Pit / Australian shepherd mix.  She was 8 years old unfortunately and I’m not quite sure I’m ready for a poochie yet but it was well worth the time hanging out to put in some pats and loves.  Echo was brought into the meeting room and immediately plopped her nose in my lap and of course I melted.

I’ve pretty much figured out that idle hands are a danger for me and I’m trying to keep as busy as possible and the proximity of the humane society to my apartment not to mention working with pooches just appeals to me!  So it’s free TB shots in my arm and walking doggies when I’m not working!!  I can’t wait until Sunday for training I suppose the hardest part is going to be not wanting to adopt every pup!

So I sit here typing paragraphs only to delete them, type another one, delete ,delete, delete… hah I suppose I should spend my time more wisely?  Maybe learn a new language like Spanish or Portuguese or some random language I’ll likely never use.  I won’t lie it does get somewhat lonely here just me in the apartment and the prospect of a pooch to snuggle with is incredibly appealing but the timing just isn’t right.  So a volunteering I will go I think, and when the time is right then perhaps I will find the right pooch.

I sit here typing this looking at a puppy picture of my beloved Akita may she rest in peace and it dawns on me that we as humans crave closeness to something, whether it be another human or a pup or cat even turtles!  Coincidentally there were multiple turtles at the shelter which I found slightly odd.  Granted I don’t foresee myself walking a turtle anytime soon, if they had ferrets maybe.  Somehow I think I may have opened Pandora’s box with this volunteering but who knows it’ll be nice to interact with doggies.