These last few days have been strange for me, I’m not exactly sure why but I’ve felt a touch emotionally “off”. I’ve been super emotional the last few weeks and for the last week and a half I’ve had an incredibly hard time sleeping. Today I slept in, way in! I slept snuggling my pooch most the day waking up a few times to go for our runs.
My history tells me that about this time the cravings and urges to shut my brain down with a splash (or a pool rather) of vodka would be the norm. It’s different today, I have no urges or cravings, no intentions, no want or need to jump off that cliff. This is a positive change for me and while I’ve been here before the trick now is to maintain this positive change. Despite how strange my emotions are right now I need to absolutely maintain myself in proper fashion.
So, what’s different this time?
What’s different? A lot is different! I’ve been taking a drug called Naltrexone and taking it religiously, Naltrexone works as an inhibitor blocking the receptors of the brain that are activated by opioids and such, basically a dopamine inhibitor that is used to reduce cravings of alcohol and other such things. My quitting smoking is another change (which the Naltrexone seems to be helping as well). I’ve been on this before but last time I could not seem to keep on it daily, this time another big change that of routine has helped me maintain my dosage without fail.
The most impacting (and important) change though has been Elsa! She’s been my light and my reason lately. Knowing that regardless of how I’m feeling or what is going on she needs to be fed has strengthened my routine, and knowing she needs to run has reinforced my health. She picks up on my emotions and responds without me ever saying a word, often from the other room no less. Watching her run and roll and play, her looking at me with the Border Collie gaze and those blue eyes it’s impossible not to melt. She’s my snuggle bear, my roommate, my pooches and while we have some things to work on behavior wise she’s picking up quick.
I only wish I had made these changes 10 years ago. Such is life, the world continues regardless of what is in my head. I can only pick up and keep moving, accept my faults and problems and try to repair what I have broken when I am capable. There are plenty of things I need to fix that I am not ready to tackle yet but so long as I stay as positive as possible, and take Elsa’s example to run forward I think I will be okay.
Let’s go another few miles tomorrow Elsa
Life is good this morning, I woke at my normal 4:30 body clock time refreshed and ready for a good day. Something was different though. Something good!
She heard me stir and came out front under the bed! Still shy and timid but there she was with her amazing blue eyes and velvet ears waiting to go out. I found a pooch after so much time. I know it’s going to take a few days for her to adjust and understand that she now owns the place she’s no longer in a kennel where she’s spent most of her life. She’s home, she’s where daily walks and hikes and cookies and cuddles are normal routine not just some thing a kid with a job needs to do.
My neighbors love her already, I can’t blame them she’s so sweet natured. Aside from a propensity to explore my kitchen trash can she’s shown no signs of the destructiveness in her notes. I purposely picked a pooch that needed work because it means I need to focus on something on someone.
She seems content so far to sleep under my bed, I suppose having been surrounded by crates all her life it gives a security. Last night I too slept under my bed lol felt great on the back and my pillow didn’t move much she did lick now and then.
I have a very late shift today and thus more time with pooch, yesterday we did a short walk along the trails today maybe a longer run I want to again off leash her but I might have to wait.
For now as I cook my breakfast with Elise at my leg I have no complaints!! In fact I’ve only felt this comfortable with my Akita my darling soja a man needs a pup.
A man needs a pup…..
Happy Wednesday everyone, today and tomorrow can’t seem to pass fast enough for me. Friday evening I go meet “Abe” a beautiful lab mix that with any luck will be coming home with me! A man needs a pooch plain and simple!
So this morning I was rummaging around the kitchen trying to figure out what to pack as a good energy snack for breaks at work. The kitchen is slightly bare til payday Friday in the realm of quick items so I’ve got to get creative. I noticed I had a bag of cashew pieces and a bag of almond slices in the freezer that I use for brownies and such so here’s what I came up with:
Sweet and Salty Nut Mix
I melted about a tablespoon and a half of unsalted butter, mixed this well with a cup and a half of cashew pieces and a cup of almond slices.
Added 1/4 cup of sugar, 2 tablespoons of salt, and 2 tablespoons of sugar mixing well as I added these.
Spread the nuts on a cookie sheet evenly and baked @ 350 for approximately 15 minutes (sorry I just eyed this step). Removed from oven and set aside to cool.
After it was cool I poured the whole thing loose sugar/salt and all into a ziplock bag and shook vigorously I ended up adding a little more cinnamon at this stage as I was tasting as I went.
And now I have a tasty snack that should give me a good protein/carb/fat profile and a quick energy boost throughout the day!
Now usually I thin slice a can of spam (fyi the bacon flavor or jalapeño flavor spam is awesome) spread the slices on a baking sheet, dust with whatever curry or rub I’m in the mood for and bake at 425 for around 10-12 minutes. This gives me Spam chips that I can bag up and snack on during my breaks. Unfortunately I’ve burned through my Spam stockpile over the last few weeks with my long shifts. Don’t judge till you’ve tried it!! (Most people that claim Spam is disgusting have never actually tried it). I can’t fight the Hawaiian in me I love the stuff.