Random Thoughts on a Monday 

Yesterday and tomorrow are days off (technically tomorrow isn’t off as I’m going in for a test).  I’ve managed to do half my laundry, eat lots, and even get a nap in!!  My next shift starts in about 4 hours providing they don’t call to beg I go in early.

In early, hmmmm Apparently I am good at what I do as I’m on the short list of the first people called for extra time. Even with two days off this week my schedule will give me 60 hours and that’s not taking account for the morning “can you come in now??” calls I receive every day.

While the job I am working is crap and I don’t expect to be there soon I still take pride in it.

Being able to play a cornerstone role has given me………..

Matter of fact I think the experience was needed!!  Lately I’ve felt pretty useless being able to play a cornerstone role has given me some of my old drive back.  I’ve also begun to learn patience and understanding with others. I never thought that such a simple and crap job would have much result.

Thank god I have other irons in the fire as surviving on this job alone would surely be a stress filled life.  And yet people do it!!  For whatever reason, I’ve met plenty that are well qualified and smart but just can’t seem to land the job for whatever reason.

I suppose it’s a blessing I know my reason?!  Today I will do my shift and do the best I can and I will attempt to keep my thoughts of the past and future at bay, a simple sideline as to who I am presently.

Again take pride in all you do, the best legacy is that you always worked hard and took pride in that

~J

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The Elusion (Illusion?) of Sleep

So here I lie in bed after tossing and turning for the last few hours wondering if sleep will come at any decent amount tonight.  I’m sure it will and luckily I have no commitments tomorrow morning so I can attempt to sleep in.  The last two nights have been good to me in regards to more than 5 hours of uninterrupted sleep even though last night was a late one tossing and turning to actually get to sleep.  Looks like tonight might well be a repeat with me falling asleep in the early morning and waking up at my usual “sleep in” time of 7:30-8:30.

Typically my body clock wakes me up around 4:30 regardless of what time I fall asleep or what I have on my plate.  I have my routine:

  • Start coffee
  • Use Restroom
  • Smoke and enjoy the early morning air
  • Drink coffee and start breakfast (usually homemade hash browns, eggs, whatever)
  • Eat breakfast while checking email, job boards, whatever
  • Start day…..

That third one…. I need to avoid that third one now.  The good news is that it will get better I know this, the better news is I have a perfect view of the Rockies and Pikes Peak in particular from my kitchen window.  This is going to be my driver for no longer devastating my lungs in an attempt to sedate my nerves and satisfy whatever oral fixation I have.  I want to summit that fourteener this time next year and despite my love of hiking and outdoors I wouldn’t even attempt it in the piss poor shape I am in.

So despite my lack of sleep, and my low frustration tolerance (LFT is an interesting part of rational emotive behavioral therapy or REBT that I should probably revisit while I munch breakfast) I feel quite at peace right now.  Might be a real timely refresher to help me avoid the urge to asphyxiate my edginess with tobacco smoke.

A follower (and one of my favorite bloggers that I follow) DawnSeeker left a link for me in a comment on my last posting that was quite an amazing story about not just a noodle house but also human strength and I’ll be honest I had tears as I neared the end of it.  Maybe I’m just overly emotional lately well, okay I am but still it was quite an inspiring read and I think this lent a hand to my peaceful attitude.

I’ve been thinking about my recent online activities and habits lately and figure maybe I’ll plop some thoughts out in a post (more for me than you dear reader it helps me process, sorry) so away we go!

I used to spend a lot of time reading news, keeping tabs on several online forums and chats, and oh that Facebook thing… I never thought I would be pumping out random blog posts let alone following other bloggers as I do now.  While the blogs I read are small in number and honestly I don’t exactly have a massive amount of followers I find that the blogs I do read are relevant and thought provoking for me.  I rarely check the news and the only chat I do now is my support group which is also small (also by design) I no longer Facebook, and anything I do online is through my phone directly or using it as a hotspot.  I’ve no other connectivity here not even television.

Thinking about this right now makes me chuckle, in a world where everyone is incredibly connected here I am an ex IT specialist with no high speed cable modem tucked into the corner of his apartment.  I seek content based on quality and no longer immerse myself with information overload.  I cannot say that life is better or worse as a direct result as I’ve created plenty of my own problems that I am working to repair but I can say that at this moment I find myself thinking slightly clearer despite the lack of sleep.  I find that the things I do choose to read are much more inspiring and much less depressing and I’m glad for that.

So I think it’s time for some specific goal setting don’t you??  Ready for another list?

  • Get a page up with links to some of my favorite blogs
  • DONT SMOKE!
  • Keep working towards a more fitting career
  • DONT DRINK!
  • Continue eating healthy

Oh… and fall asleep soon, that’s a biggie!

And in case anybody is wondering Echo, the pooch I blogged about the other day…. was the featured dog on the Pikes Peak Humane Society website today and is no longer available for adoption.  Bittersweet for me as I really liked that pooch but I’m glad someone else did too and I hope she found a forever home that is good to her.

Sweet Dreams

~J

P.S. you can learn more about REBT at the Albert Ellis site and Smart Recovery and I’d love to share one of my favorite blog posts from Dawn about welcoming failure that I’ve read a few times (I should probably click like one of these days).