So, it’s been a while since my last entry as I’ve been running at 100 miles per hour for a while now. Moving is hard enough but being a pack rat definitely exasperates the str- er frustation.
I hesitate to say struggle even though it seems that way. I have received unparalelled support from family as well as the upstairs neighbors. I always knew I was a packrat but I was not expecting to have packed so many emotions away as well.
In particular the last two days have been filled with emotions good, bad, sublime, regretful, fearful, strong, even guilty. I have found myself so high strung and stressed that sleep has evaded me now 3 nights in a row. It comes in little 15-45 minute spurts and I wake up with night terrors or a severe panic attack.
So I change my sweaty pajamas and try again as I know it will get better soon. I find myself stress cooking which I don’t think of as bad. In fact not only is it a more positive way of dealing with stress than many other methods I’ve engaged in but, I’m eating healthy food which I suppose is keeping me going. Maybe I’ll write a cookbook on that someday “Cooking yourself sane”??
All in all I’ve made great strides, I am still throwing/giving away a lot and have listed a lot to sell. I’m also remembering a lot of past experiences and people in my life and realizing that I’ve been amazingly blessed and lucky.
It’s almost as if I’m reading my past as someone else’s story sometimes and thinking “this guys a few fries short of a happy meal”. It’s not that I’ve come to realize most of my struggles and problems are self inflicted, it’s more that I’m beginning to accept it. I have always known I self destruct but change is tough.
I’m still working on changing and I suppose it’s going to be a long task. For tonight though I’m feeling pretty okay about tomorrow, I even managed an entire 2 hour nap without waking up badly!!
I have to confess though being on my inversion table and absolutely exhausted from putting it back together might have contributed. In any case I figured while I wait for my “ham and bean with stress reducing veggie” soup to cool enough to freeze / refrigerate I would stop digging in boxes long enough to post.
A good friend once told me “Don’t be afraid of life”
(Note the image is yesterday’s stress cook not my soup lol)