Of overtime and Work Ethics 

Sleep, shower, cook, eat, work, cook, eat, sleep – rinse and repeat.  This pay period is going to go a long way in easing some of my financial stress at least.  We’re incredibly busy and they opened the gates for overtime for pretty much as many hours as I decide I want to work!

And so if there’s a shift I have taken it, it’s been 10-14 hour days since Tuesday and I’m scheduled through the weekend and Monday I will most likely grab shifts for the rest of the week this weekend.  Sure I’m a bit tired and I need to get some time for homework but I’m grabbing the hours while I can.

I’m taking Tuesday off to do laundry and general homework not to mention catch up on sleep and some self care.  All told however I really don’t mind these long hours, keeps me out of trouble. Yesterday was supposed to be a short day (8 hours) with me scheduled to start at 3 the morning felt like I had a day off!!

Well, until they called me at 9:30 to see if I could go in “as soon as possible”.  Today?? 11-7 but of course all day yesterday they kept asking and hoping I would go in closer to 8 this morning, I might but I’m not sure yet.  It’s 5:30 and I’m not able to get back to sleep so perhaps after I’ve read my beloved paper I’ll meander in.

With my life being so bumpy the last few years its been a while since I’ve “been great” at something and honestly I’m enjoying that feeling again.  Granted it is a crap job, minimum wage in a call center a temporary solution for immediate need but I still have pride in my work again.  I’ve been top closer every day this week and by a good margin at that getting me pretty much a golden ticket to work whenever and however I want.  

They simply leave me alone to rock my phone and I enjoy that, I feel sorry for the other poor saps who line the isles with coaches constantly walking up and down looking over shoulders giving corrections and cutting those that are having a bad day.  I think that it would drive me mad!  The conversations in the break room are all the same “they won’t give me hours, I’m not making any money!! Waaaah”.

Simple bit of advice guyzos, maybe if you worked the dialer on a consistent basis instead of reading and coloring waiting for the dialed to work you, you might just get more accomplished.  I don’t like to sit and wait for my next call, I drop the dialer into manual mode and slam calls 100% of the time I’m at that desk.  It’s a numbers game, if I can fire off 1500 calls in a shift I’m going to close some surveys, even with bad data full of disconnected numbers.

I digress, it seems work ethic is lost on the generations after mine (I’ve been feeling a tad old lately realizing generation X hasn’t been a thing for a long while now).  The good majority of my coworkers are young kids and those that are older are there because much like me hard on luck.  News flash, your going to continue to be hard on your luck as long as you prioritize getting stoned above getting ahead!  Just because pots legal here doesn’t mean it’s a good idea to smoke up before your shift at during break!  It slows you down and kills productivity, don’t space out and then bitch when you get cut!! Thicken your skin, suck it up, and do your job!

I suppose this has turned complete rant this morning, hah!  I honestly am feeling much better about myself today though.  Being able to take pride in my work again regardless of how menial that work may be.  And knowing it won’t always be this call center.

In the coming days I meet with an old friend to talk about going back to the tech industry.  This decision I did not take lightly as there is a risk I burn out and go off the rails again, I debated with myself for weeks over the possibilities and deliberately chose this particular friend to work for to protect myself and have no interest in a high level position, I’ve simply outgrown the complex rat race life.

And so, for today I will have the breakfast I am currently cooking, read my paper, call my friend, and I think I will go in at 11.

No matter what you do, take pride in it as it makes the work easier!

~J

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Banging my head, sometimes I’m not smart.

So, many of my followers will pretty much know the reasons for my lack of posting recently.  I don’t think I need to really even tell them as even the most basic educated guess is probably enough.  For the rest of my followers that do not know me as well I’ll simply announce that I had a relapse.

I’ve battled alcoholism for far too long now and it’s incredible destructive nature has taken everything from me with the exception of my own life.  The fact that I am still breathing and walking is a miracle itself and for that I am grateful most days.  My father died at a young age of 58 from this evil and I need to continuously remind myself of this fact.  This thing is quite possibly the most destructive force I will ever encounter within my lifespan.  It takes everything away, money, time, family, friends, career…. The list goes on.

So the common questions that I am asked “what triggered you” and “why?” cannot really be answered so easily.  I cannot tell you what “triggered” me or made me think it was a good idea to take a drink, I can only tell you that it happened.  And then the lost time begins…. The inability to function during a drinking run equates to plenty of lost time alone but I don’t drink like normal people do.  The only thing that stops a day of drinking is finally passing out, I drink in massive amounts often more than a handle of vodka can be consumed in a single day which can absolutely not be considered normal.  Add to that the lost time during detox as I am fairly incapacitated for days of projectile vomiting, vigorous shaking, serious muscle cramps, sweats, and insomnia.  Absolute misery for a week or more, and yet when the next relapse hits for some reason the misery that follows is forgotten for some reason.

The anxiety, depression, and frustration with myself that follows sometimes feels unbearable and I don’t understand why it happens over and over again.  The sad part is that there in fact are a massive number of tools to deal with alcoholism it is only a matter of choosing and using them.  I’ve gone through good long phases of using the tools and maintaining sobriety with a good variety of these tools the secret was that I used them on a consistent basis.  The self realization that I picked up a drink because I got lazy and unregimented adds to the depression during a “post relapse” period.

So today I really have little choice but to try again and focus on my tools and regiment to avoid once again banging my head.  So again after a good week and a few days it’s another morning to get up and try to be a regular person for another day.

Coffee and a New Belt Buckle

I sit here this morning musing over things waiting for my paper which is of course late arrrrgh and I should be angry about it but not so much.  I got a fancy James Dean belt buckle this weekend from a shop nearby called the LeechPit (lots of vintage stuff!!).  So today I get to sport a Dean buckle depicting a scene from Giant which was an amazing performance by Dean if you get the chance.

So coffee good, buckle great, paper late, life… not so bad.  And there is the ceremonial “thump” of my paper!!!  YAY!

~J

The Dangers of a Day Off

So I’ve been working some pretty long shifts for oh too many days straight now which honestly I’ve begun to enjoy.  Not only do I need the money but it sure beats sitting here staring at the wall.  Yesterday the team I am on closed out another campaign and the new one doesn’t start until tomorrow.  They do have another team that does commercial polls but there is required training and I am still waiting for the next session.  Honestly aside from the ability to get more hours I really have little interest.

I absolutely love to follow politics and while I tend to refuse to argue politics I enjoy the fact that due to this wonderful internet full of blogs and video streams I can self educate and compare all sides of a story from multiple sources.  The fact that I get paid (albeit crap wages) now to poll people without bias on political views is pretty cool. Today though I am off and I need to ensure that I stay out of trouble.

Yesterday evening started out with me in a great mood, I rocked it at work and came home to a cellular repeater that my cell phone company sent me free of charge due to network issues that I have been having.  I was incredibly excited to tear the box open and attempt to set this fancy new toy up.  After a couple hours of fighting (I’ve worked on cellular devices for several years in the past and am pretty well versed in these things) I simply gave up and called.  Cue attitude degradation…..

First call, we’ll re-register it on the network and call you back in a half hour to see results.  Call back, oh it’s still not working lets try this and that and then send you to a specialist.  After 20 minutes on hold waiting for the specialist I got through, funny but I used to rip people dealing with tech support calls but now having been on the other end I tend towards a nicer attitude.  The specialist was awesome though, he checked everything all the way down to issues with the panel antennas in the area.

And here it comes… Rolling “Modernization” in the area hence the phone switching protocols as they upgrade equipment expected to last until Sept 14th.  Okay so I get to expect a month of bad service and have no fix or recourse?  Nope, and there went my good mood.  I thanked the gentleman for at least finding something as I always hated it when problems would magically fix themselves or nobody could ever find an issue.  At least now I know what the issue is.  And then my laptop gets all funky with a bad update and begins rebooting itself every time I try to accomplish something AUUUGGGHHH.

SO having myself in a bad mood I begin to stew on things going on, which of course doesn’t help.  I found myself emotionally exhausted and actually went to bed early, aside from the nightmares of which I had several I indeed got more sleep than I am used to.  My normally up at 4:30 ass slept until 9:15 before I drug myself out of bed for coffee and my paper.  And this is where todays post starts to ramble and get a little serious.

I was aware of this yesterday but with everything going on I didn’t spend much time thinking about it.  I’d like to get serious here and think through some very recent events.  Yesterday there was a deadly terrorist attack in Barcelona in which a van was used to murder over a dozen (still tabulating breaking news so I have no absolute number to give).  Later in the day, a second attack was said to have been thwarted about 60 miles away with 5 suspects dead at the time of this posting.  Last weekend on my home soil of the US, we had our own nightmare with terrorism in Charlottesville.  Unfortunately Charlottesville was a domestic attack during a protest event.

Again I will state that I try not to argue politics, my only comments on the Charlottesville situation are direct and as follows:

  • While I disagree with the organizers of the event in many ways they have the right to peaceful protest
  • I also disagree with the protesters of the event (Anti-fa) and think that they have tended towards violence in the past and this should be examined
  • In my opinion had Anti-fa not shown up the initial event would have accomplished nothing more than a small blip on the radar, because a clash happened there is now a large amount of coverage thus increasing racial discord.
  • Despite our amazingly increased technology, education, and improved civilization as a whole I cannot help but wonder if we are running backwards in terms of race and gender simply because people feel the need to self marginalize to “make a point”

Anyone is free to disagree or agree with me, these are simply my thoughts on the localized issue.  I spent many times many hours this week polling people across the US on this very incident and expect next week to be very centered on the Barcelona situation, things of this nature create incredibly strong views and while interesting I find it quite sad that I am asking such questions.  I do believe that knowing opinion statistics and how people feel right or wrong is a good thing but sometimes the very nature of the questions get depressing.  The fact that people are so charged up that they cannot simply sit down and have a discussion just fries my ass, we don’t have to agree to be civil.

Back to the Barcelona situation, I am trying not to form any opinions as of yet since information is still emerging and of course some is fabricated or assumption based.  While journalism is important if your not aware by now that the media has a tendency to jump and report bad information due to either bias or the need for reader/viewership I probably cannot help you navigate unbiased thought.  My initial thoughts however are as follows:

  • This situation is incredibly tragic and brings attention yet again that we are not simply one people or global kumbaya group instead we are a planet with several different civilizations with different views
  • Simply because at the time of this writing ISIS has claimed responsibility for the attack, there is little tangible proof that this is the case (see the next point)
  • It is important that we all wait for tangible information to be complete before passing judgement, it has happened many times in the past where a terrorist group has taken responsibility for something that was not connected to that group simply for the shock value (remember terrorism is based on shock so to take advantage of this type of fabrication does work in the groups favor)
  • While the US sits in the throes of a race “Cold War” it’s important to not forget that the world itself is engaged in not one but several religious and principal based wars that are in all respects not “cold”
  • Throughout history civilization has always been at battle and while I would like to think we have evolved beyond the human nature of civil conquest I need to remind myself that evolution takes time and we simply aren’t there as humans yet

I may write on these situations again later though I really would prefer to be more positive and uplifting.  The raw reality is that seeing events such as this unfold and how much of the opinions expressed about these events sometimes lead to an even more explosive tone it becomes something that I think about and must write to keep my thoughts from swallowing me whole.  As for today I’m off to spend some time cleaning out the storage unit and hopefully accomplishing something positive rather than stewing in the negative events I just vomited into this blog.

Stay engaged but open to opposing views before forming opinions, use your brain cells not your fists.

~J

The Morning “Me”

I’ve found over the past few years that I have in fact become a “morning person”, often awake around 4:30-5AM shuffling to the kitchen to start coffee and checking the doorstep for my paper (which sadly has been showing up a bit later the last two days).  I’ve begun to love these times as a chance to practice some self care through a healthy breakfast (often two breakfasts over a few hours) and while I do live alone and in theory have plenty of “me” time to think and self reflect for some reason the mornings are the times that I seem to naturally do this.

Of course seeing Pikes Peak change colors from a dark ominous mountain to an amazing purple then slowly hues of oranges, reds, and yellows through my kitchen window as the sun rises provides an amazing sense of awe and a sense of peace as well.  I start up one of my many favorite podcasts or streams for background noise and pick through my paper as I wait for breakfast to cook sipping ample amounts of coffee and water, I do the dishes and return to my paper which is at least “skimmed” cover to cover and sometimes journal in my notebook or as is the case this morning I’ll blog some random thoughts.

This mornings thought is kind of funny and perhaps I’ll do some research on the subject.  Here in Colorado Springs our garbage services are privatized and all of them charge for recycling services.  I know people living in many other states get encouraged to recycle and are provided free recycling services and I wonder one big thing:

If Colorado is supposed to be so “green” why is it like this?

Now, I don’t drink much anything from a can or a plastic bottle (I use my water bottle, my camel back, or my coffee cup) so I do not really have much in the way of aluminum but with the paper and my cooking I generate plenty of tin cans and paper waste.  Our complex has a nifty dumpster right there but nothing in the way of recycling sadly and I’ve begun bagging my cans and papers with the intention of either plopping them in my aunts recycle container when I visit next or just taking it all to a recycling center about 3 miles away.

I begin to ask myself this morning what I am going to do when due to work schedule these bags of recyclables start piling up?  Do I stop recycling temporarily or get tired of tripping over the stuff and inevitably trash it?  And then there is the thought of whether or not recycling glass has much purpose sometimes?  An interesting factoid is that there are not too many uses for recycled glass, the primary being asphalt.  When road construction is on a down turn centers end up with surplus glass somewhat defeating the purpose.

Yesterday I wrote about a fertilizer made from food waste, the primary subject was more along the lines of simply cleaning my fridge and using the fertilizer to hopefully grow a garlic that was sprouting but now I wonder what ideas might be out there for glass recycling?  I often re-use my sauce jars for other things but on a larger scale I’m curious if anyone else out there has ideas and uses for these harder to recycle items?

Let me know your thoughts

~J

Cleaning the Fridge

So this evening I decided to whip up a nice red sauce and do some spaghetti with some sausage and veggies and what not.  Lo and behold I had a few small baggies of veggies that just weren’t fit for consumption.  Not a lot mind you as I love my veggies but I did have to toss a bell pepper a few small celery hearts and about a quarter head of lettuce.

What I didn’t throw out was the few bad garlic cloves (I had a whole garlic that was good for my sauce so it wasn’t a big deal).  I had a couple of cloves that had actually sprouted in my crisper drawer so while waiting for my sauce to cook down a touch I got a whim to try and plant the cloves in a small pot that I had empty out front.  I used some good soil I had from another planter that is now empty (lettuce from earlier in the season) and kicked it up with a bit of bone meal, a very small amount of miracle grow, and this fertilizer I have called “eco scraps”.

This Eco Scraps stuff is interesting, I have been using it on our pepper and tomato plants in front of the apartment all season with pretty great success.  The fertilizer comes in pellets and is fairly easy to use but get this… it’s made up entirely of food waste!  Effectively a couple of guys got this brilliant idea to collect food waste from retailers across the US and process it into compost then pelletizing it kind of a slick idea I think.  Anywhoo it’s available at Lowes and Home Depot if your in the US (not sure about worldwide) its worth a look see!

So here’s to hoping for some fresh garlic, I’ve never grown it before but hey why not the pot was empty and the cloves were sprouting meh worth a shot.

~J

Being a Pollster Can be Fun

If you were to ask me if I thought I would ever be a pollster I probably would have laughed my ass off.  Until now, I actually find some of the polls rabidly hilarious.  Sure the completion ratio is horrible as most people don’t like taking polls and occasionally I get cussed out and yelled at but all in all when someone does take a poll it can be incredibly fun.

People tend to get heated over politics and asking them opinions on Trump often gets real interesting results.  I’ve heard everything from “Love HIM” to “I think he’s a runaway shopping cart”.  Todays questions were nothing short of amazing to ask, I’m making it a point to look up the results of the particular poll I am currently working.  From Trump to Anti-fa, white nationalists to North Korea it’s bound to be an interesting read.

And while today was long (10 hours) I absolutely had a blast lol, my team smoked our quota and we rocked it.  And a few of my completions were incredibly intelligent, I even polled a double doctorate today hah.  Just some reflection on todays work, the job may be grueling at times but there’s no reason to not give it my best when I’m there.

~J

And Finally Some Sleep!

As I sit here waiting impatiently for my two favorite morning things, the paper and my coffee I’m pondering.  It has been a crazy few days what with the stupidity in Charlotesville and just overall tension everywhere I wonder why it is that I still read the paper.  Oh wait, now I remember!!  Nothing compares with holding a paper reading the comics.

Perhaps I’m just in a good mood this morning, I have my coffee and my paper and I actually had a full nights sleep.  I have a 12 hour shift coming and am flat broke with a car load of laundry I need to figure out how to do but life overall really isn’t so bad.  I’ve got snoopy and a few articles that don’t mention trump or white supremacy to keep me occupied and I’ve had a great breakfast scramble because if there is anything a man learns that’s worth something it’s how to cook.

And then there’s the “Dear Amy” section of the paper, yeah used to be someone else lol but this week I suppose it’s Amy.  Amy gets a question about a teen daughter who has started dating and her response just makes me laugh.  “The only hitch is that Cary Grant is dead and George Clooney is too old”.  Just boffo!!  Nobody name drops Cary Grant anymore, yeah he’s on my list of if I could ever meet….

Just a morning of random babblings, I’ll leave the heavy lifting to the other bloggers I follow as they do write some pretty heavy stuffs.  For now it’s coffee and my comics… and maybe I’ll read this bit about Trump though honestly I’m bored with it.

Maybe I’ll start a kickstarter campaign to fix trumps hair….

~J

HARIBO!!!

Today was a long shift, and it doesn’t appear that it’s going to let up anytime soon which for me right now is a very very good thing.  I’m booked for 12 hour shifts all this week and through the weekend and on to Monday.  The job isn’t really exciting to speak of, being on the phone doing political polls but every once in a while I get a fun call.  It’s funny to think about but I seriously get paid to ask people how they feel about Trumps use of twitter as Balky would say “What a country”.

A few of my coworkers are absolutely great though, today during my lunch a gal asked me for a ride down the street to the gas station so she would have time to eat I wanted a hot dog anyhow so why not.  She bought me a bag of gummy bears!!!  Ordinarily I wouldn’t get excited but… gummy bears!!  Usually if someone gives me something it’s either a hard time or a poke in the eye.  We were talking about her husband who does iron sculpture and the random topic of my gummy bear art came up.  lol I guess I need to dig deep and come up with something creative now.

anywho not much else to report… I worked, I’m home… and now I’m going to figure out what I want to eat.

~J

The Call

I got a call from a friend

I don’t have many a handful of people that I consider this close I’ve known since childhood the people that know me and this is what makes it even more scary.  My friend started asking some pretty heavy questions, who I wanted things to go to and how I wanted to be handled after I passed away.

My friend was writing my last testament, he wanted me to have a last say and decided to call me on it.

At first I was a touch confused and then seeing the emails afterwards the truth set in, I’m pretty good at killing myself and the people that care for me are worried.  Worried so much so that they are trying to figure out what to do with my “stuff” after I pass.  Seeing this first hand in emails is an interesting thing trust me. Everyone involved in such is reading this as well I don’t hate you for it in fact I’m happy your there.  Just understand that facing mortality itself is tough facing it when brought up and pushed is slightly tougher.

I don’t want anyone to cry for me when I do pass, and I’m too much of a prick to pass soon so deal with me I’m going to be around for a bit.

~J