Today was a long shift, and it doesn’t appear that it’s going to let up anytime soon which for me right now is a very very good thing.  I’m booked for 12 hour shifts all this week and through the weekend and on to Monday.  The job isn’t really exciting to speak of, being on the phone doing political polls but every once in a while I get a fun call.  It’s funny to think about but I seriously get paid to ask people how they feel about Trumps use of twitter as Balky would say “What a country”.

A few of my coworkers are absolutely great though, today during my lunch a gal asked me for a ride down the street to the gas station so she would have time to eat I wanted a hot dog anyhow so why not.  She bought me a bag of gummy bears!!!  Ordinarily I wouldn’t get excited but… gummy bears!!  Usually if someone gives me something it’s either a hard time or a poke in the eye.  We were talking about her husband who does iron sculpture and the random topic of my gummy bear art came up.  lol I guess I need to dig deep and come up with something creative now.

anywho not much else to report… I worked, I’m home… and now I’m going to figure out what I want to eat.


Free Pizza Friday 

Today was pay day and I decided to treat myself on the way home from work by stopping at a gas station/convenience store on the way home for a cheap pair of pizzas.    Every Friday pizzas are buy one get one free so $15 later I’m driving home with two very well stuffed pies and a 64oz cup of soda I probably shouldn’t have.

This all of course made me laugh as I stuffed as many condiment packets as I could in my pockets (hey I’m broke salsa and mustard cost money) and retired to my kitchen to chomp on some pretty damn good pizza.

I have my next 4 meals which should get me through most of tomorrow save breakfast where I will do my usual taters and eggs.  Have long shifts through the weekend and week with no complaints this pay period was more of a catch up but if work sustains I might actually get somewhere!!

And all I had to do was show up.  The next two weeks might be rough but after the next check things will lighten just a little bit then two weeks later maybe a little more.  

One thing I’ve learned the hard way is that typically if everything happens at once it’s usually a bad sign.  Real progress happens incrementally and I have to accept that.  I have a great deal an army even of people supporting me in areas of my life all the way to what I think I should eat tomorrow the only thing I truly lack in this life is patience.

I waited for two pizzas why can’t I wait for a better next two weeks??  I feel like I might sleep tonight and that is an amazing accomplishment even if I don’t sleep just the feeling of peace (and pizza) I waited a half hour for two pies hand made from a gal that cared about her job what’s another few weeks?

Pizza lady, awesome job!!


Waiting for a Shooting Star!

Today I did a job interview, tomorrow I have three, and still I am waiting.

Friday I interviewed for my dream not just in career but personal achievement and it’s a long shot but I took the shot. I follow up tomorrow and cannot publicly post much more but for those of you reading that know me personally this is a big deal.

Why continue interviewing when the most amazing opportunity has presented itself?  I’m hedging my bets for every chance this may happen there is a chance it won’t.  I have been blessed by karma or whatever it is up there for a very long time I don’t expect it to keep holding me afloat forever.

I’m nervous in a way I don’t think I have ever been, this is not some upscale position With vast pay and a private jet it is simple.  A simple position doing something that I am incredibly passionate about.  A simple dinner of grilled cheese followed by lying in the grass catching a glimpse of Thai shooting star.

With luck I will be able to latch onto the tail for the ride of my life.

More details later for now it’s a wait.


You Can’t Herd Cats

Well you can, if you move they’re food!

I’m not quite sure where I first “herd” this quote but for some reason I’ve been thinking about it lately.  It breaks down to the basic idea that in many cases changing the way a large group thinks or acts is an impossible task.

I think back to a wonderful group of people I worked with called the Marine Breeding Initiative and how this group of professionals and hobbyists alike have built a large community to share information related to captive propagation of various marine species.

In many areas of science, as well as commercial groups reliant on sales to survive sharing of information is forbidden.  To give away intellectual property or that one gem of research finding is looked at as profession suicide!

And yet through the creation of an open space for a community to naturally evolve not only allowed this to happen but it also encourages it.  With the advent of the internet and the incredible improvement of the technology driving it the MBI was able to leverage this pervasive data flow and create something so powerful as to promote open communication of ideas that many would typically hold very close.

The basic idea is not incredibly complex in concept but has grown to an amazingly detailed machine.  Why not create a system where people can openly share findings and successes and track them with a points system to encourage competition in an open manner?

In order to rack up points (and yes get framed awards and a touch of prestige) information *must* be shared in great detail.  Now behind the scenes there is a lot going on to track and award these points but many of the people performing those tasks (as I was for a period of time) find it a somewhat exhilarating and interesting labor of love.

Other examples of course exist elsewhere, there are scientific groups with similar open platforms sharing information on everything from disease to even software (open source comes to mind).  By moving the food from a concept of commercial funding, publishing, and fancy patents to the idea that by sharing the cats can have a higher quality of food as well as a wider prestige base we effectively herd the cats to a better place.

I was originally about to fall asleep but thinking about this interesting phenomenon had me too wired to sleep (or it could be the payday bar I ate).  So a second post was called for just to get this thought out.

And now I’m going to eat the other payday bar in the cupboard.


Thought control

Sometimes we go a bit too far?
so the last few days for me have been emotionally hectic. It’s not ofren that a person gets called out on bad behavior let alone by people who are close.

so shifts my blog for all of my two readers lol. My original intention was to post sonething positive every day but lets face it life just sucks sometimes.

so posts on struggle good and bad it will be, love it or not. theres a million othet blogs to read if you dont like mine. i just cant in good honesty pretend life is butter.

that said I will be blogging daily if i can and about real life (no made up unicorn shit) if you like it great if you dont theres an x to click.

welcome to the next step of reconstruction.

A Fairly Perfect Day!

Simple things, even helping out family made for a pretty damn good day!

Today so far has been a fairly perfect day for me!!  I managed a better amount of sleep last night than I have the last several days though I was still up earlier than planned but around my typical time prior to this hectic week.

I started the day as usual with a good breakfast and puttered around for a while, my only major plan was to go to my Aunties to do a washer / dryer swap at noon but I started thinking about my Aunties poor dog which I love who was in dire need of some good brushing and a paw massage for his arthritis.  I decided around 8:30 just to wander over and spend some time with my bootsies (my nickname for him) who has been my best friend through a lot of tough times.

After spending some time with the dog one of the housemates woke up and wandered a bit and helped me out with some tasks around the house and we decided to go for a hike at one of my favorite places.  We packed some sandwiches and grabbed camelbacks and off we went to a place I haven’t been to in almost a year for a good hike.  While it reminded me how out of shape I am as I haven’t hiked much lately it was a great hike and we took our time getting home as he is fairly new in town and I showed him some of the nice areas here.

On the way back we stopped for a pair of cigarillos to puff on while we cruised the interstate to get home, had a good meal of chili and here I am typing this waiting for laundry to finish in the old dryer before we make the swap.

All in all a pretty perfect day, simple but busy.


Dear morons with oversized trucks in town 

I know there’s a reason for dually diesel trucks, I live in the city.  When I’m already speeding you have no other reason to hug my bumper other than your an absolute fool.  You have Proved your point your stretching to be a man.

Try consideration over blowing your gas mileage to show me your truck can move when you stomp the gas pedal? And maybe not try and hook your bumper to mine if it weren’t such a pain I’d hit my brakes and let you pay for being an ass.

Nobody notices or thinks your cool in fact the one time you rear end someone goosing your throttle your probably going to owe.  Just tell your girlfriend you can’t buy dinner because you need to pay me for being a moron.  

Look fool I grew out of my hot rod days in my early 20s just grow up you stupid shit (I’m holding back) get the fuck off my ass you cocky fuck and drive like a human or don’t bitch when you tag me and I take your cocky fuck ass to the cleaners.

Accidents happen we all have them but I never ever pushed like you do to save 30 perceived seconds on the road in an urban assault vehicle.  Just piss off you cocky self important fuck there are hundreds of us on the road you’re just one.  Deal with it you pretentious fuck!  Your diesel means nothing to me but an insurance payout when you can’t stop in time.

I wanted a pizza not an urban assault and you following me home to complain I wasn’t speeding enough was the tip.  I bet you didn’t think I would argue back let alone push you away from my neighbors who have families and lives and such.

Follow me because I slowed down to the limit??  Threaten me??  Bring it worst case my wasted life gets lost and you live with it.  Knock on my door you followed me home and know where I live because I only did 5 over instead of hot rodding through my neighborhood.

I promise a knock on my door will result in more than just me answering and your threats are empty.  This is my home the minute you Pulled in complaining that I wasnt breaking the law to your satisfaction you gave yourself to this property as a trespasser I will take care of it.

So ask yourself is 15 over the speed limit in your new truck worth it?  Why did you follow me home?  Did me following the rules bother you that much?  Is your new truck that cool?

I’m done with fool kids I’ve got a community I care about show up in our parking lot with that jack handle again and see….

Life awareness …

It’s Saturday and most everyone I know is sleeping in.  For myself today started 4 hours ago at 4 am with a shower and breakfast and then a nice jaunt on the trails around the apartment I’m at.

I love where I live, there is a lot of attachment to the open areas and watching the mountains change colors as the sun rises from dark and ominous to a calming purple and then bang, it’s a mountain!! All at my door it’s right there!

I’ve touched these mountains, they’re mine!!  This is a hard concept to explain to anyone who hasn’t spent a lot of years here.  I live a 5 minute walk from some of the most amazing trails ever!  People travel miles, thousands of miles to be there and for me there is here.

Yes I’ve got my problems and yes I could bitch and moan but really?

Really J really?? I’ve got everything I need to survive plus some and I’ve got a back yard no billionaire could ever afford.  I have neighbors that struggle much like me and we all seem to fit together like a real life puzzle.

I hated the idea of leaving what I considered my childhood home.  I was angry inside an it led me down a very dark path.

Today, well today sucks I can’t get work shifts, my calls are all collections, everyone hates me, all of this is true.


Not everyone hates me I am lucky to have a handful that love me and I am more than appreciative.

Today I am going to rock my second interview and then spend my time finding ways to show my appreciation to those who have supported me.

Life doesn’t really suck when you have friends…


No… don’t your home now!

So I’ve one more run to take from my grandparents place my childhood home away from home.  Where I ran so many times as I knew pops and mema were always there! 

I’m scared yes, which is a strange feeling.  They mean a lot to me and always will.  This is my home now and it’s actually quite nice!! I have a view of the rockies and am 5 minutes away from anything.

The missing link is connection I guess?  Being a native I’ve always had the idea that “the mountains are to the west am here I am” hah!

I would be a liar if I said I wasn’t avoiding this last load, it will happen today probably after my late lunch but well…

Life is life a last minute call for a job interview!!! Yessss! There are a number of things I can focus on but this is my home now and tomorrow is tomorrow.  Off to prep!

I’m home now as quiet and lonely as it seems it’s my space.  Little ant visitors and all and the construction noise outside.  The view of the Rockies 5 minutes away, and the deer I have to chase to get to my car.

Home is where you are don’t believe the bullshit.  Family is who you are!  And I’m great so long as I decide to be!

Be comfortable, as much as you can..


Message From A Concerned Friend

Just a blog I follow that hits home more often than not. I know I try to do only positive posts but to hell with it I relate to this blog and read it daily this one at this time just “hit” so visit her blog it’s good I promise and she uses the best images too 😉

Sara in LaLaLand

Stress looks good on you 

Have you lost weight?

I was going to contact you

But I didn’t 

I waited to hear through the grapevine if you went through with it

I wouldn’t have stopped you

Where would I get the gossip from?


Glad you’re okay

I’m here if you want to talk

But I’m just saying that

Let’s be honest

I don’t really care 

I’ll pretend to be there for you when it’s too late

Feature image.

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