The Elusion (Illusion?) of Sleep

So here I lie in bed after tossing and turning for the last few hours wondering if sleep will come at any decent amount tonight.  I’m sure it will and luckily I have no commitments tomorrow morning so I can attempt to sleep in.  The last two nights have been good to me in regards to more than 5 hours of uninterrupted sleep even though last night was a late one tossing and turning to actually get to sleep.  Looks like tonight might well be a repeat with me falling asleep in the early morning and waking up at my usual “sleep in” time of 7:30-8:30.

Typically my body clock wakes me up around 4:30 regardless of what time I fall asleep or what I have on my plate.  I have my routine:

  • Start coffee
  • Use Restroom
  • Smoke and enjoy the early morning air
  • Drink coffee and start breakfast (usually homemade hash browns, eggs, whatever)
  • Eat breakfast while checking email, job boards, whatever
  • Start day…..

That third one…. I need to avoid that third one now.  The good news is that it will get better I know this, the better news is I have a perfect view of the Rockies and Pikes Peak in particular from my kitchen window.  This is going to be my driver for no longer devastating my lungs in an attempt to sedate my nerves and satisfy whatever oral fixation I have.  I want to summit that fourteener this time next year and despite my love of hiking and outdoors I wouldn’t even attempt it in the piss poor shape I am in.

So despite my lack of sleep, and my low frustration tolerance (LFT is an interesting part of rational emotive behavioral therapy or REBT that I should probably revisit while I munch breakfast) I feel quite at peace right now.  Might be a real timely refresher to help me avoid the urge to asphyxiate my edginess with tobacco smoke.

A follower (and one of my favorite bloggers that I follow) DawnSeeker left a link for me in a comment on my last posting that was quite an amazing story about not just a noodle house but also human strength and I’ll be honest I had tears as I neared the end of it.  Maybe I’m just overly emotional lately well, okay I am but still it was quite an inspiring read and I think this lent a hand to my peaceful attitude.

I’ve been thinking about my recent online activities and habits lately and figure maybe I’ll plop some thoughts out in a post (more for me than you dear reader it helps me process, sorry) so away we go!

I used to spend a lot of time reading news, keeping tabs on several online forums and chats, and oh that Facebook thing… I never thought I would be pumping out random blog posts let alone following other bloggers as I do now.  While the blogs I read are small in number and honestly I don’t exactly have a massive amount of followers I find that the blogs I do read are relevant and thought provoking for me.  I rarely check the news and the only chat I do now is my support group which is also small (also by design) I no longer Facebook, and anything I do online is through my phone directly or using it as a hotspot.  I’ve no other connectivity here not even television.

Thinking about this right now makes me chuckle, in a world where everyone is incredibly connected here I am an ex IT specialist with no high speed cable modem tucked into the corner of his apartment.  I seek content based on quality and no longer immerse myself with information overload.  I cannot say that life is better or worse as a direct result as I’ve created plenty of my own problems that I am working to repair but I can say that at this moment I find myself thinking slightly clearer despite the lack of sleep.  I find that the things I do choose to read are much more inspiring and much less depressing and I’m glad for that.

So I think it’s time for some specific goal setting don’t you??  Ready for another list?

  • Get a page up with links to some of my favorite blogs
  • Keep working towards a more fitting career
  • Continue eating healthy

Oh… and fall asleep soon, that’s a biggie!

And in case anybody is wondering Echo, the pooch I blogged about the other day…. was the featured dog on the Pikes Peak Humane Society website today and is no longer available for adoption.  Bittersweet for me as I really liked that pooch but I’m glad someone else did too and I hope she found a forever home that is good to her.

Sweet Dreams


P.S. you can learn more about REBT at the Albert Ellis site and Smart Recovery and I’d love to share one of my favorite blog posts from Dawn about welcoming failure that I’ve read a few times (I should probably click like one of these days).

5 thoughts on “The Elusion (Illusion?) of Sleep”

  1. Hey Joe, you mentioned Pikes Peak. My daughter, Ashlyn, a fresh young Chiropractor, lives and works in Woodland Park. Are you anywhere near there? That’s so cool you are in Colorado.

    And I’m glad you were moved by the Noodle Shop story. I savor each story in Drury’s book, and I love them so much that I read them to myself, out loud.

    Years ago, I met Richard Drury, the author, in a strange chance way, when I booked biplane ride out of Orcas Island, Washington. He was delivering a stack of signed copies of his Flightlines book to the airport there, and flew in that day in his own biplane. I bought a copy, not knowing if it would be any good . . . and he has become one of my biggest writing mentors.

    May I suggest the book for you that Drury suggested to me — a life-changing book that is still available. It is: Wind, Sand and Stars, by Antoine de Saint-Exupery, the author of The Little Prince. Buy it! Start it! By the end of Chapter 2, your Life will never be the same, ever, ever, EVER again.

    You will have a new meaning to Life. That’s your assignment, kid, and I hope that you take up the challenge :)) :)) :)) Dawn


    1. Woodland park is about 20 minutes west of my front door, I had a mentor that passed away almost 10 years ago that I would meet up there at a BBQ place on Sundays for all you can eat ribs. Fond memories of stopping at the McDonald’s (your daughter will know what I’m talking about) on the way to fish with my grandfather lol!! Beautiful area, I’ll definitely have to look that book up.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. That’s really random . . . you also mentioned the beach in Oxnard, and I grew up on Trancas Beach, Malibu. Will be working in Malibu this coming week . . . will drive home the 126 and go past Oxnard on the Coastal route . . . chills :)) You will LOVE the book. Deep stuff!


      2. I do so love amazon!! While we’re on the topic of books and planes you should look at “illusions” by Richard Bach (yup the seagull guy) it’s about a pilot that refuses to accept that he’s a messiah

        Liked by 1 person

      3. lol going to record that number ad delete te response in a few so your numbers not super public! I’m about to step into a volunteer deal but will definitely give yo a ring!

        Liked by 1 person

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